Jon
New Member
Daily Moments Of Zen
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just
leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting
any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
6. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
a warning to others.
10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good
qualities without your help.
11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of car payments.
12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and
you have their shoes.
13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
16. Don't squat with your spurs on.
17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that
comes from bad judgment.
22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
and put it back in your pocket.
23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain
dance.
24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
25. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark
side, and it holds the universe together.
26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one
works.
27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth
is moving.
28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it
29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just
leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting
any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
6. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
a warning to others.
10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good
qualities without your help.
11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of car payments.
12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and
you have their shoes.
13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
16. Don't squat with your spurs on.
17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that
comes from bad judgment.
22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
and put it back in your pocket.
23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain
dance.
24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
25. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark
side, and it holds the universe together.
26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one
works.
27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth
is moving.
28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it
29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse