New Retirement Plan

[Mark]

I thought this would make you chuckle!
It worked for me.

"New Retirement Plan
A friend received this note in an email at work. Sadly, even though it's a joke, the advice it offers seems quite sensible:

New Retirement Plan: If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling price, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg Plan. "
[hello]

 

[CaroliProWash]

What a great morning chuckle

Celeste

 

[Dave Olson]

Hello Mark,

A friend sent this to me.

Subject: future plans

When I get old and feeble..I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.
The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day.
I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term
discount and senior discount price of $135 per day.

That leaves $65 a day for :

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the
restaurant, or I can have room service (which means breakfast in bed every
day of the week).

3. Princess ships have as many as three swimming pools, a workout room,
free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5
worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress
replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your
inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for
them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If
you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a
suite for the rest of your life. Now hold on for the best! Do you want to
see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia,
or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So
don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no
extra charge.


Dave Olson

 

[Mark]

LOL! [hello]

Sounds like a plan!

 

[Howard]

Old one but bears repeating.

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, awaiting their flights.

One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer.
Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show
and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly
arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, .

"That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet,
but I do believe it's a-comin'."